The Best Of Sayuri Outtaike
by XxXChiharu-Chan-1000-SpringsXx
Summary: So, what exactly goes on in the time-wielding heroine's head of hers? Nothing much, actually. But watch where you walk, things tend to fly around in there.


**A/N: **When I say this killed me... this KILLED me. Dude, I don't know what the hell was in CCFA that made this set of themes so HARD, but dude! Ouch! Seriously, I think it was because CCFA is a complicated story, thus making the themes complicated? Whatever it was, I curse it to hell! XD And then I was stuck in flowery-language mode, so sorry about that guys. If a lot of this stuff sounds poetic... well... blame it on Genesis.

So, I wanted to get inside Sayuri's head, and show you that she's more than... Sayuri? Man, I can't even think straight right now. All I know is that someone better LOVE me for this. XD I hinted parings, and, and, this has a pairing, shockingly! XD It's defiantly something different from CCFA. Or the same. I dunno, but ouch! So, anyway, if you are a newcomer and looking at your computer screen like, "What the hell is this?" This my friend, is 100 themes to celebrate the thing that is Clairvoyant Calamities: Fictitious Affectation. If you haven't read it, then you obviously wont know any of this! Great, right?

And if you have read it, I am warning you now, if you haven't past chapter six in that story, you're going to get slapped in the face and this experience will probably turn into more of a shocker than... what mushy crap this is. XD I must have been drunk when I wrote this. XD

So! Some dedications! Some people who I had in mind while writing this! XD I'd like to thank **Kitty Kat KO**, because, man, I thought my last pile of themes were garbage, and if she didn't say that they weren't, I would have never even thought of trying this... Thank you, KO! XD Maybe we can do that joint thing now? I'm open! XD

And yes, **ZephryFiction** too, because I was intent on showing you what real themes look like! XD Or that might just be Stik, but him too! XD

And last but not least, my lazy beta reader, because she's lazy, and that's the whole reason why I pondered writing this. XD Congratulations,** sakuuya**! XD

Indulge yourself in the mush, because I assure you: this would never happen in CCFA. XD And besides, the main pairing in here wouldn't work at all... XD Enjoy, guys!

* * *

**-: Realization :-**

I needed somewhere to hang my head—without your noose. You gave me something that I didn't have—but had no use... I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose. My heart is under arrest again—but I break loose. My head is giving me life or death—but I can't choose. I swear I'll never give in and I refuse.

Has someone taken you faith—it's real! The pain you feel! The Life! The Love! You die to heal—the hope, that stops, the broken hearts! Your trust, you must confess! Is someone getting the best of you?

**

* * *

1.) Hero**  
A smirk danced on her lips as she held multiple multicolored dodge balls in her hands and around her arms. Her opponents' faces lit up with worrisome expressions.

"Hee, hee, what's my name?" she chuckled. The blonde girl on Sayuri's team, Tariku, punched Sayuri's shoulder playfully.

"Sayuri Outtaike! S. A. Y. U. R. I. O. U. T. T. A. I. K. E. Got it memorized?" the two girls spoke in unison. Sayuri's smirk turned into a wild grin as she began to pass Tariku the dodge balls he had in her hands. "Let it rain fire, Tariku!"

**2.) Proposition**  
She placed her index finger on her lips in confusion. Waiting a few seconds, she tilted her head as she tried to make sense of what she had just heard. Emerald eyes slowly made their way to the hand of cards Sayuri held in her hands.

"What? Aren't you going to put a king down, Sayuri? Or, do you not have one? There's no need to say anything, I call—"

"Bull shit!" Sayuri beamed, cracking a smile. "Suzuki, I don't know what the heck you were trying to pull, but if I have two tens, then there is no freggin way you have twelve tens! There's only four in a deck!" she finished, frowning. Suzuki sighed as he picked up the pile of cards and added them to his hand.

"Bravo, Sayuri. It would count for something if you didn't have the whole entire deck in your hands," he snorted, slightly smirking.

"Oooh, just you wait, Suzuki! I'll win!"

"And who's going to help you?"

Sayuri jumped out of her seat. "I don't need help! If I win, you'll have to do something for me!"

And she played until her fingers fell off.

**3.) Fantasy**  
Because when Sayuri held her magic wand in her hands, she felt like she was dreaming with her eyes open.

**4.) Lock and Key**  
"Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" Sayuri yelled frantically, holding something behind her back, a mischievous grin on her face. Her eyes danced around her mother, who was happily planting her flowers. "Guess what? After many weeks of practicing, I finally beat Ryuichi in Red Steel! I control the Yakuza now! Me!"

"That's wonderful, Sayuri!" Kohana beamed, flashing a bright, white smile.

"Bad news," Sayuri choked, revealing a smoking Wii from behind her back. "My awesome-sauce must have overloaded the system."

"Oh—well—I'll be sure to replace it, don't worry, dear. It's just two-hundred dollars. Such a joyful device…"

"Even more terrible news," Sayuri coughed. "Waaah, Mom! I accidentally ate the keys! It hurts when I talk! Please don't take me to the doctor!" Kohana quirked her nose and took off her sunhat, revealing brilliant, long, purple hair. Sayuri flinched as Kohana pulled out Sayuri's keys from her hat.

"Huh, how did you—" Sayuri babbled, dropping her smoking game system and wrapping her hands around her neck in disbelief.

"Have fun, Sayuri," Kohana smiled, resuming her work. "And your Wii should work now. I love you!"

**5.) Heart**  
What this power was in her, she couldn't say. All she knew was that it existed... and it became available only when she was in that state of mind in which she knew exactly what she wanted... and was fully determined not to quit until she got it. It took a lot of courage for Sayuri to stay sane in some of her dreams. It took a lot of perseverance to hear Sayuri real on about her nightmares, and how she would wake up from them with her right hand bleeding profusely for no reason at all.

And sometimes, it _killed _her mother to see her daughter's facial expression when she pleaded her mother to make the bleeding stop.

**6.) Poison**  
Bathing Miyuki was probably the worst job she had to do in all of her short existence. Oh how she wished the water Miyuki was standing in was as lethal as the water Essence. With that thought in mind, she began to scrub Miyuki's fur even harder.

"Watch what you are doing, girl!" Miyuki hissed. Sayuri narrowed her eyes and picked Miyuki up out of the bucket of water. She couldn't help but smile as she looked at Miyuki's exasperated cat-like expression.

"Lookit you! You're just a cute little kitty, aren't you?"

**7.) Burn**  
Tariku said time was the fire in which we burn. Sayuri thought otherwise, and therefore laughed at her blonde-haired friend.

"We get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty—and yet— it all seems limitless."

**8.) Panties  
**One thing was for sure. Witnessing Suzuki walk around with frilly panties on his head was hilarious. However, Sayuri's revenge was bittersweet.

"I love how this little social system works…" Sayuri mumbled, watching her fellow female classmates stare in awe at Suzuki's new choice of headgear.

**9.) Sacrifice  
**"Would you die for me? Sayuri? Dear?"

Sayuri blinked spastically for a moment, rubbing her eyes meticulously.

"I don't know about all that—but—I'll try to?" Sayuri shrugged, groggy and dazed. Kohana let out a soft laughter.

"I'll hold you to it! I love you, Sayuri! Goodnight!"

**10.) Busted**  
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America were named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. But what do I care? Life here in Japan is great!"

**11.) Nation**  
Sayuri had held her hand in the air for a very long time. She wanted so desperately to be called on. She wanted to give her opinion, and let everyone hear what she wanted to say.

"Yes, Sayuri? What do you know about Saturn?"

"Yeah, the scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are made up of lost airline luggage."

**12.) Addicted**  
There was something about that wand of hers, and how every time she wield it, her mind_ clicked_. But she did know one thing. To fight one more round. When her arms were so tired that she could hardly lift her hands to guard, fight one more round. When her nose was bleeding and her eyes were black and she was so tired that she wished her opponent would crack her one on the jaw and put her to sleep, fight one more round—remembering that the woman/thing/man/it who always fights one more round is never defeated.

**13.) Haunted**  
When it was all said and done, she needed to get away. Away from Miyuki. Away from Morta. Away from Kokoro. Away from everyone. She needed to breathe. But somehow, even sitting alone in the darkness with her head buried in her knees, she felt like someone was always watching her—whether it was human or not.

**14.) Mask**  
Superior leaders get things done with very little motion. They impart instruction not through many words, but through a few deeds. They keep informed about everything but interfere hardly at all. They are catalysts, and though things would not get done as well if they were not there, when they succeed they take no credit. And, because they take no credit, credit never leaves them.

No wonder things never got done when Sayuri was in charge. She was neither a catalysts, or a leader. She was just Sayuri Outtaike. Just Sayuri.

**15.) Stalker**  
"Looks like you're famous, Sayuri," Miyuki said, a bit of curiosity filling her voice. At first, Sayuri put on a questionable look. Then she realized what had made Miyuki say her name. Sayuri almost stepped on Miyuki before pressing her face against the glass casing.

"Duuude! This must be from the time I stopped the water and fire Essences!" Sayuri whined. "Wah, I've got an action figure? The hell, man!"

"Well, at least you're not well-known, Lady Pendulum." Miyuki chuckled, where as Sayuri groaned.

"You! You did this, didn't you?"

"Watch where you leave me then," Miyuki hissed. "Now, let's find the next Essence."

**16.) Web**  
Tariku sighed as she attempted to wipe the sweat off her forehead. "The old saying is true, Sayuri. There is never enough time unless you're serving it, huh? Kohana has a lot of flowers, huh?"

Lost in thought, Sayuri tilted her head. "Tariku? How come every time I see your head, I think of a marshmallow?"

**17.) Storm**  
"Taran! I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me!"

"I agree, but unfortunately, it's the lowest grade the school will allow me to award. Sorry, Outtaike. I'll see you next year." Sayuri clinched her fists at this comment. She took a few steps towards his desk, a simper on her face.

"You know Taran? There won't be a next year. I guarantee it. I've had dreams where you explode. Along with a few other people I don't like. And last night, I had a dream about us having this very conversation. Scary, huh?" she paused, looking out of a window. "So, Taran. You're a smart guy. Change the grade, I save your ass, and we'll all be happy!" Taran glanced away from his paper work for a quick second.

"Detention, Outtaike?"

"Ha! You can't hurt me for trying," Sayuri smirked. "Monday, as always, Taran."

**18.) I. Can't.**  
For just a second, Sayuri's eyes locked with her mother's. She came into the battle with high hopes. Determination. Perseverance. Drive. Heart. And maybe a little confusion. With her grip held tightly around her wand and her stomach bleeding copiously—even then—there was not one glimmer of hopelessness in heart. But in that one second—that quick sixty milliseconds—she_ broke_. _Completely _broke. Her senses shutdown, and what she thought was a high resolve crumbled at her mother's feet.

It was then that she knew—that she was not fighting her mother—but a heartless criminal.

A heartless criminal that was going to steal her life.

**19.) Mislead**  
"Hey, Miyuki! You've got a phone call! I think! Is this thing a cell phone or—"

"Hello?" Miyuki questioned, after taking her collar from Sayuri's hands and propping it in her mouth.

"Hiyah, Miyuki! How's earth? What'cha doing? Guess what? He finally talked to me! I wonder what made him mad in the first place! Oh, how I wish I knew what it was!"

"Good for you, 'Mino," Miyuki replied. "But you know I'm on a mission…"

"Ah, nothing takes the taste out of peanut better quit like unrequited love," Sayuri snorted. "Tell your friend I said next time she interrupts my sleep, she's going to find herself on the sharp end of my wand."

**20.) Memory  
**Her chest tightened and her breathing became more jagged than usual. Kokoro glanced at her numb body, and how—unsettled it looked—for lack of a better word. Whatever she was dreaming of must not have been too happy. Her hands started to shake, and the things around her began to move at a slower pace.

"I better go get Rayne," he muttered.

"T-Tariku," Sayuri stuttered, as if she was suffering from hypothermia. "T-Tariku," she repeated, fluttering in-between her transformation form and her normal attire. "T-Tariku… I'm… I'm…" she stopped. "…Dying."

Lucid tears began to slide from under her closed eyelids. "Make it stop," she muttered in a low, incoherent voice.

**21.) No Way Out**  
Sayuri's eyes were saturated with rage as she folded her arms, a blanket of purple swaying behind her back. "You know what, Morta? If I was in a room with you and two werewolves, and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you. Twice."

**22.) The Old Days  
**_Patter. Patter. Patter._

Sayuri hung her head down as she walked through the rain all by her self. _'How will the world be saved if I kill you, Mom?'_

"That will not bring back the things we love: the high, clear days and the blue icecaps on the mountains; the lines of white poplars fluttering in the wind, and the long white prayer flags. Nor shall we get back the smell of the beanfields; the sweet, resinous smell of deodar wood burning, or the whiff of a snow leopard at fourteen-thousand feet. Never. Never. Never!" Sayuri exclaimed.

"And that is why I'm not doing it!!!"

**23.) Emotional**  
"Yes Miyuki, I'm drunk. But in the morning, I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly."

**24.) Come ON!**  
Sayuri winced in pain as Tariku applied alcohol to a scrap on her knee.

"Tariku? If you die before me… Ask if you can take a friend."

**25.) Chains**  
Panting and wheezing, Sayuri, Miyuki, Morta and Kokoro stood in one place, trying to regain their energy.

"Now, I'm going to piss all of you off," Sayuri began, smirking wildly. Morta tilted her head a bit, holding her scythe with both her hands.

"Oh really, Sayuri? We're ran through lava, fought three enormous Wicked Spawn, ran three miles to find some Essence, and fought every wild animal that's chased us here. I think I'm fairly frazzled right now."

"That's good to know, Morta," Sayuri smiled, pointing an index finger behind her. "But the Essence is that way."

**26.) Action**  
"Hey Miyuki? I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind," she paused, choking a bit. "They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying."

A pause, then a simper. "They don't teach you anything worth knowing."

**27.) Need**  
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, because I'd be at the bottom to catch them."

**28.) After A Battle**  
It was just the three of them, collapsed on the ground and looking at the stars, lost in thought. Miyuki stood behind her three gaurdees, arms crossed, and looking off into a haze of clouds in the sky.

"What do you think we'll do when it's over…" Kokoro mused, his arms folded under his head.

"I'm leaving," Morta stated, matter-of-factly. "I'm going home. And hopefully, I never have to do this again. It's bad enough having to follow an incompetent leader's… lead."

"Well, I'm," Sayuri began, making sure she sounded extremely obnoxious on purpose. "Going to—" she paused. She couldn't go back home. She had no home to go back to. No more best friend. No more family. No more mother. At this realization, Sayuri's eyes twinkled in despondency, as she looked into the sky.

"Sayuri?" Kokoro asked, turning his head to face the time-wielding heroine.

"I wanted a perfect ending, but now I've learned the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. Life hates me."

**29.) Gone**  
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one, and in each of them we've found each other," Sayuri mused. "Hmm… that sounds like a liable explanation, seeing as how you're a big monster and I'm a freak who can control time. But Mom… when are you going to come back?"

**30.) Original Character**  
Sayuri waved her hand in the air, holding a piece of paper in the air. Itasca tilted her head in confusion.

"I'm not even going to ask Outtaike. What's with the piece of paper in my face?" Itasca said, folding her arms. Sayuri smirked.

"Itasca! I got myself copyrighted!" Sayuri exclaimed. "Everyone seems to like my awesome-sauce these days… 'cept my beta, who thought it was a good idea to cause me bodily harm!but that's beside the point."

"What Outtaike? I hate to say it, but you're the protagonist in this… story." Itasca cooed. "So, technically, whatever Chiharu has in mind for you is law. But not for me, because I'm just your beautiful foil."

"Err, Chiharu isn't going to like that, Itasca. Especially when she's been out to get you lately…" Sayuri smirked. "She'll cancel Clairvoyant Calamities: Fictitious Affectation! Shut your trap you old lady!"

_Actually, Itasca can't get under my skin like that. Ah, two souls in one body. You guys are hilarious._

Sayuri blinked. "We've gotta find a way outta here…"

**31.) Realistic**  
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from sensible simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad."

**32.) Moonlight**  
"Ouch! Who taught this girl how to punch like that? I just asked a question! Ouch, though!" Moonlight carped, nursing his face with his left hand. Moonlight's gaze then fixated on a blushing Sayuri, who's pissed expression made him think otherwise about what he just had asked her.

"Dear Mr. Moonlight," Sayuri began, looking at her nails, trying to get her mind off her crimson-colored face. "Ask me a question like that again, and I won't be responsible for what happens to your testicals. If you have any, you weird animal!"

"But he—"

"Say anything else about it, and you'll find yourself sitting on the sharp end of my wand! And I'll tell Miyuki," she mused. "And I know you don't want that to happen."

"Touché then, Summoner." Moonlight sighed, slightly smirking. "You sure know how to scare a guy."

**33.) Holiday**  
"Hurry died, and Lazy _buried_ him."

**34.) Fuck**  
Sayuri only knew three things. Life is the curse. Sleep is the remission. Death is the cure.

**35.) Do Not Disturb**  
_Summoners (noun):_ Suffering has roused them from the sleep of gentle life, and every day fills them with a terrible intoxication. They are now something more than themselves; those we loved were merely happy shadows.

**36.) Midnight**  
"Kid, get outta here while you're ahead," Lucrecia spat, a disgusted look plastered on her face. "Close your damn mouth before it gets you killed. I've tried to be a nice little hostess for you, but now you're invading my personal space," she hissed, looking at Sayuri with an eye saturated in rage.

"But you are talking to me! And that's good, Lucrecia!" Sayuri joked. "You're seriously mad at the world, though. Some dude died. Boo hoo. I'm going to be a sad old bitch about it. I say you find someone else, hmm? Then maybe you wont be so fixated on killing people!" Sayuri ended, the last couple of words dripping with sarcasm. Lucrecia sighed as her eye slitted.

"Shut the hell up! I mean it, kid! Fuck whatever Aysel says. I've told you what you needed to know. Keep at it, and I'll make sure you die today."

"I dunno, Lucrecia. This place is pretty big…"

"I'm warning you, kid."

"Aww, c'mon! Is little Lucrecia afraid? Oh, I know, she already has a pretty little crush, huh?"

"I'm too old to have_ 'pretty little crushes'_ Kid. Now shut the hell up," Lucrecia grunted, getting up from the floor and clutching her fists. Sayuri put on a mischievous grin.

"Luuu, who's that guy you're always with? I'm bad with names. But it's on the tip of my tongue. Bread? Egg?—oh crap!" Sayuri yelped as Lucrecia grabbed her by her shirt collar by her mechanical arm. "Don't kill me! Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" Sayuri whined.

"What? I'm just going to bed, Kid. Don't be so frightened," Lucrecia said, but it sounded more like she meant for it to be more of a joke. Sayuri blinked as she watched Lucrecia's lab coat flutter behind her.

"Did… I just win…?"

**37.) Weapon**  
"What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels, by crazy mothers, by freakish cats, and by black monsters. Gee. Someone kill me."

**38.) Sick**  
"I'm not doing this anymore!" Sayuri hollered, throwing her wan across the room. But somehow, it always appeared in her hands. "This is stupid! I'm not going to play this stupid game!"

"But Sayuri," Kokoro interrupted. "Cheer up! It's only because of you that my family is still alive, right?"

"What about my family?!" Sayuri spat before collapsing on the ground from exhaustion. "…What about mine…"

**39.) Transformation  
**"Watermelon—it's a good fruit. You eat it, you drink it, you wash your face."

**40.) Fear**  
"Do you seriously think that blood is the only thing in this world that is colored red?" Sayuri spat, looking down at Anómino. "In depression this faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come—not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. If there is mild relief, one knows that it is only temporary; more pain will follow. It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul. So the decision-making of daily life involves not, as in normal affairs, shifting from one annoying situation to another less annoying—or from discomfort to relative comfort, or from boredom to activity—but moving from pain to pain. One does not abandon, even briefly, one's bed of nails, but is attached to it wherever one goes. I know I am."

**41.) Underwater**  
The greatest tragedy in life is people who have sight but no vision. Unfortunately, she had both, and was frightened frequently by it.

**42.) Future**  
"Tariku… ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

**43.) Fire**  
Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. Sayuri gritted her teeth at this thought as she watched her teammate fight alongside her.

"How poetic," she inquired. "I'm loosing my mind again. Oh joy."

**44.) Wings  
**The sky was sometimes gentle, sometimes capricious, sometimes awful, never the same for two moments together; almost human in its passions, almost spiritual in its tenderness, almost divine in its infinity to her.

**45.) And?**  
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

**46.) During A Battle**  
"Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there... I do not sleep. I am the thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glint on snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awake in the morning hush; I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds circled in flight... I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die, Sayuri."

**47.) Text**  
"I like things to happen; and if they don't happen, I like to _make_ them happen."

**48.) Progress**  
"Take it back." Sayuri muttered, her hair hiding the look in her emerald eyes, which was one of exasperation. Sayuri was transformed and was standing in front of Aysel. Aysel was sitting on her throne, fairly amused at Sayuri's newly found rage.

"Why?" Aysel mused, touching her face with a gloved-hand. "It was not like I demanded her. The Wickedness is law. The Wickedness is power. Is it wrong to simply want power?"

"Take it back, damn it," Sayuri repeated. "She's not a monster! You'll not use her like she's some toy you can just pass around! She's my mother!"

"How cute. You would protect something that tried to kill you, am I right?" Aysel laughed. Things around Sayuri began to degraded like books and chairs. Time was rapidly crumbling around her.

"Shut up! I swear, if you keep this up…" Sayuri spoke, her voice cracking a bit. "I'll make you wish you were dead."

"Really? Summoner, I am Aysel! And besides, fool-hearted girl, your pilgrimage—you haven't killed anyone yet. What makes you fathom that you could defeat I, queen Aysel?"

"You think I haven't been through it all?!" Sayuri yelled, pieces of Aysel's flooring flying into the air. "'Great job, Sayuri. You did it. You saved us all.' There were too many smiles to count. And I know that I was smiling, too. But now... when I look back... The people who should be here aren't. The ones who should be smiling with me aren't here. They were all happy, back in Spectra. Some even cried. And it didn't matter how I was feeling. But I _had_ to smile. Because I was the 'hero'. The 'leader'. Because if I didn't smile, people would piss their pants. But what about me? Everyone expects me to do everything! I'd put my mother before becoming everyone's plaything! … I can only take so much…"

**49.) Upside Down**  
She would die to win—because she was born to lose.

**50.) In The Rain**  
Sayuri smirked as the rain began to pelt her and her partner. Kokoro seemed pretty irritated by the water hitting his skin. Actually, it seemed like the rain was actually burning him.

"We're glistening like silver spoons, beneath the summer night, Oh can you smell the subtle hint of frost As the flowers start to cry? The Autumn winds are bringing graves. To all the emerald trees, they're so beautiful in their dismay, the colors slowly bleed," Sayuri sung to herself. "Is it that bad, Kokoro?"

"No it's just that it feels like all my skin is melting off." Kokoro blinked, wondering why a question like that would have even been necessary to ask. Sayuri halted her walking, which made Kokoro gasp in pain.

"I've got it!" Sayuri inquired, holding her index finger in the air and placing her other hand on her hip. "Koko, you know it just pains me to see you like this," she said, dramatically. "What would you do without me?" Sayuri finished, a bright, sharp, purple light shooting out of her index finger. The rain that fell from the sky_ returned_ to the sky, as if it was put on rewind. The clouds dissipated, and Kokoro breathed a breath of relief.

"Thanks, Sayuri. I feel a heck of a lot better now."

"That's good to know," Sayuri smiled, somewhat despondent. "Is it weird if I tell you that I feel like my mother now?" Kokoro slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged.

"I've never met your mother before, but if she's anything like you, she's probably nice…"

"More than nice," Sayuri breathed. "She's awesome. Too bad when you meet her she'll try to kill your ass," she laughed. "Now c'mon, let's go."

**52.) Princess**  
Girls blush, sometimes, because they are alive, half wishing they were dead to save the shame. The sudden blush devours them, neck and brow; They have drawn too near the fire of life, like gnats, and flare up bodily, wings and all. What then? Who's sorry for a gnat or girl?

**53.) Confrontation**  
Fighting is like champagne. It goes to the heads of cowards as quickly as of heroes. Any fool can be brave on a battlefield—when it's be brave or else be killed.

**54.) Keeping A Secret**  
A friend is one whom can pour all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together—knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keeping what is worth keeping, and, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

Sayuri liked to keep everything, not caring if what she had was bad. And that was why—when Tariku died—it was a _soul _hurt for her.

And something she would live with for the rest of her life.

**55.) Quote**  
"Animals, which move, have limbs and muscles. The earth does not have limbs or muscles. Therefore, it does not move."

**56.) Sharp**  
"You know…" Sayuri panted, her hands on her knees, her emerald eyes looking at Morta. "Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without results," she smiled. "I can stop time, you douchebags!"

**57.) Fading**  
She was more or less broken inside. But there was no way in hell she was going to confide her feelings into someone again—and have them get crushed, like her mother decided to do. So instead—too afraid to take that risk—she smiled. She laughed. She joked.

But inside, she was really dying. Slowly. Sayuri was dying of a long and painful death. And they were just watching her asphyxiate herself.

**58.) No Color  
**If you pull too hard, then the string will break. And if you leave the slack, then the string won't hold. Fill the glass to the brim, and it will spill out. And keep on sharpening the knife, and it will, it will be so blunt.

**59.) Censored**  
There were some things Sayuri knew, didn't know, did know but wanted no part in, and didn't have a_ clue_ about. Suzuki laughed to himself silently as Sayuri tried desperately to figure out what was so funny.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Sayuri sighed, touching her face for any foreign objects.

"No, it is your face." Suzuki chuckled. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

"Err… thanks?" Sayuri blinked, her face tinting a light shade of pink.

"You look just like your mother."

**59.) River  
**"Hey, Lucrecia. You never did tell me how you got that scar on your eye." Sayuri mused, her index finger on her lips as she tried to get a closer look at Lucrecia's face, which was irritating the scientist to no end.

"Because," Lucrecia sighed, trying to get Sayuri out of her face. "I'm just that masochistic to look for answers in an Earth Eater-infested land. And you know what? When I was in charge of killing you—the first time you were here, you were too, Kid."

**60.) Message**  
Sayuri was blindfolded, her hands trying to feel her way through the room she was in.

_You have to remember. You can't forget._

Sayuri stopped walking and balled her fists up. She wouldn't take off her blindfold, but the voice she heard was so familiar. So soothing. So free.

"But…" Sayuri gasped. "I live with what happened everyday. I never forgot. T-Tariku… I…"

_Not that, silly! You asked me to make it stop. I heard you._

Just the sound of her voice was enough to bring tears to Sayuri's eyes.

_Sure, being dead sucks, but I've made a lot of friends. And I'm happy._

Sayuri took off her blindfold, but just as she expected, no one was there with her. But the tears kept falling from her eyes. "You forgot to ask if you could take a friend." Sayuri said, barely managing a smirk.

_Believe it or not, Sayuri, but the world needs you. Anyway… from friend to friend, you feel like you've let us down._ _Abandoned us. Remember how to love, Sayuri. How to confide again. When in bed, you're dead. I've seen it. And I've watched you, you hero. Now, go get'em!_

**62.) Tattoo**  
Everything was connected. That much she knew. She was a piece of her mother. Sayuri has her mother's vivid purple hair and emerald eyes. Her fiery temper and her confidant flare. Her narcissism and her sentimentally. And even—her impeccable leadership skills.

But even when the odds were against them both—even when fate loved to kick them around—and death was all around them—they had one thing in common, and it was hereditary.

They never gave up.

**63.) Dirty**  
"Never fight with a pig. You both get dirty and covered in mud, but the pig likes it!"

**64.) Dinner For Two**  
Sayuri smiled sweetly as she took her gloves off and clasped her hands together. Miyuki rose a brow, eyeing the food Sayuri had prepared, prodding it with her fork. She even began to contemplate whether or not Sayuri even remembered that she didn't really eat food.

"All right," Miyuki sighed. "Who did you kill, and why?"

"When in doubt, I say poke it with a stick, Miyuki." Morta commented, inspecting the food Sayuri had just made. Sayuri gasped in disbelief.

"Aww, you guys wound me… I just wanted to show my appreciation! Honestly! At least… Kokoro actually appreciated my peace treaty," Sayuri paused, glancing at Kokoro, who pretty much wasn't even paying attention to what the three women were talking about. "So let's start over, okay? The name's Sayuri Outtaike. I still consider myself the best… just… not without you guys."

**65.) What If…**  
She didn't like telling people that she actually cared about them—not because she was some heartless monster—but because she didn't like wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Sayuri sighed. She had a lot of work to do.

**66.) Past**  
Memories are just memories. That's all they are.

**67.) Lace**  
But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint—like a heartbeat. And pure love—why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.

**68.) Envy**  
"Tariku? I don't want to be where you are anymore. How ironic. I failed to save you, and yet, you end up saving my life."

**69.) Study**  
She liked to observe emotions; they were like red lanterns strung along the dark unknown of another's personality, marking vulnerable points that she could exploit.

**70.) End Of The World**  
"What's wrong with the summoner?" Moonlight mused, observing a very idle, crimson-faced Sayuri from afar. Miyuki shook her head and shrugged. "I mean, she's quiet. And she's thinking. Is this a sign, Miyuki? Is she going to go break-stop-Gluttony insane on us? Should we go get the tranquilizer?"

**71.) Cheat**  
She feels locked in her own life, scared of what she might lose, if she moves away from who she was. And she's afraid of being free. There's a way she knows is right. She can't feel the things she knows and so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be.

**72.) House on the Hill**  
The most destructive element in the human mind is fear. Fear creates aggressiveness; aggressiveness engenders hostility; hostility engenders fear-a disastrous circle. Fear is an acid which is pumped into one's atmosphere. It causes mental, moral and spiritual asphyxiation, and sometimes death; death to energy and all growth.

She wanted to say she was not afraid of fear. That fear was the proof of a degenerate mind. That a man who was afraid would do anything. That fear was the prison of the heart.

But then, she would have been contradicting herself, for fear was the same reason she was afraid to open her heart.

**73.) Thank You**  
"Love cannot accept what it is. Everywhere on earth it cries out against kindness, compassion, intelligence, everything that leads to compromise. Love demands the impossible, the absolute, the sky on fire, inexhaustible springtime, life after death, and death itself transfigured into eternal life."

**74.) Tool**  
First our pleasures die—and then our hopes, and then our fears—and when these are dead, the debt is due, dust claims dust—and we die too.

**75.) Death**  
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you, Morta."

**76.) Give**  
"Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!"

**77.) Bird**  
Sayuri tilted her head as she looked at a piece of paper in her hands. "Seven out of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?"

**78.) Fun**  
She could do comedy, so people wanted her to do that, but the other side of comedy was _depression_. Deep, deep depression was the flip side of comedy.

**79.) Honor**  
Her honors here may have served her for a time, as it were for an hour, but they would have been of no use to her beyond this world. Nobody would have heard a word of her honors in the other life. Her glory, her shame, her ambitions, and all the treasures for which she had push hard and sacrificed much would be like wreaths of smoke. For these things, which she mostly sook, and for which she spent her whole life only tarried with her while she was on this side of the flood.

All her honor's wounds were self-inflicted.

**80.) Jewelry**  
"It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me. And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain—the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt though my limbs and head—but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it."

**81.) Anniversary**  
"Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before. Try and keep that feeling, because if it goes, you'll never get it back."

Kokoro tilted his head. "What happens then?"

"Then you lay waste to the world. And everything in it," Sayuri quirked.

**82.) Coming Home**  
"Sure, love screws everything up. Most stalkers think they're in_ love_. Mothers who _kill_ their kids talk about how much they _love_ them. Men who beat up their wives, it's only because they're so in love. People slowly suffocate each other with love all the time. Love is a weapon we use to hurt the ones we love," Sayuri paused. "I don't want to hurt anybody. And I'll beat myself up if I do."

**83.) Chaos**  
People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it—walk. Sayuri wasn't blinded by her own fear anymore, but she was scared as hell to tell the one person who actually believed in her how she felt.

**84.) Fashion**  
"Last night I laid in bed and looked up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself… where the heck is the ceiling?!"

**85.) Wood**  
Sayuri gave great advice. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the 'up' button.

**86.) Drunken**  
"Love?" Lucrecia said, almost surprised that Sayuri would ask her about such a thing. "Let me tell you about love. Either you love more or you love less, and the one who loves more ends up fucked."

**87.) Rape**  
A desire arises in the mind. After it is satisfied, immediately another comes. In the interval which separates two desires, a perfect calm reigns in the mind. It is at this moment that it is freed from all thought, love or hate. Complete peace equally reigns between two mental waves.

**88.) Bunny**  
Ideas pull the trigger. But instinct loads the gun.

**89.) Breakfast**  
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn you do have worth.

**90.) Eventually**  
They say follow your heart. But when your heart is in so many pieces… which way are you suppose to follow?

**91.) Scar**  
"You keep hurting me, but I keep coming back," Sayuri mused. "Could it be that I'm addicted to the pain?"

**92.) Redesign**  
Love, in all its forms, is only a title for superficial feelings that are connected to naught, but instincts and the human inferiority complex. Despite how love is depicted in society, for the most part, and other sources where love is displayed as a wonderful and splendid feeling, it is nothing more than a temporary reaction. Even with the many uses of the emotion love, it can always be broken down into self-gratifying aspects. More than anything else, love is only an obligatory concept shared between people, in that it relies on the people involved to manifest its existence as anything more than the word itself. Outside of false displays and concepts that follow the belief that love is, the word only describes the connection made by the participants who only want to further their personal gain in one way or another.

**93.) Fast**  
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

**94.) Blood**  
A dream was a wish her heart made when she was fast asleep.

**95.) Sparkle  
**"When the sun isn't out, don't cry. Your tears will block you from seeing the stars, Sayuri."

Sayuri blinked before realizing what Kokoro had just said. He had a point.

**96.) X (marks the spot)**  
A true friend stabs you in the front. Sayuri was glad she had friends now that weren't afraid to hurt her a little—and tell her when they planed on doing it.

**97.) Identity**  
She was searching for the magic key that would unlock the door to that source of power she had, and yet she had the key in her own hands already. She made use of it the moment she learned to control her thoughts.

**98.) Move**  
What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable…

**99.) Snow**  
Corruption is like a ball of snow, once it's set a rolling it must increase. Before she began love, she remembered to learn to run through the snow leaving no footprint first.

**100.) Alone**  
Maybe she had finally gone insane, or maybe she had finally decided that she wasn't going to be brood, and that she was going to start living and loving.

And somehow, she felt like all her obligations disappeared when she made it habitual to give Kokoro routine kisses whenever they got near each other.


End file.
